When Flecking Records meet Hill Valley High you know it’s going to be a good time.
In a pre Christmas interview we got together to play games (Mr & Mrs), dress up (long live the turkey hat) and shower together.
Danny: Can I see the questions?
No it’ll ruin the surprise!
Finchy: [to Phil] Stop trying to touch me with your feet! Seriously I’ve got a phobia of feet.
Phil: I’m scared of spiders!
Finchy: We went to Blackpool for a gig , then we stated at [Phil’s] girlfriends in the Lake District. Me Spadey and Olly were downstairs and then Phil comes down screaming ‘Quick there’s this massive spider can you come and get it?’ So we went up and it was like the size of a pea, so we chased him around with it so he locked himself in the bathroom and he was shouting ‘I’m gonna be sick, I feel faint’.
Phil: It was really horrible!
Finchy: Heights and injections are what I‘m scared of.
Dan: Yeah I hate injections!
Phil: What about meat injections? I have a phobia of guys with a bigger penis than me. Like Spadey! I saw his penis for the first time at a gig in Southend and I just didn’t wanna play with him any more!
[Danny tries to look at the questions again!]
No cheating Daniel!
Danny: OK, sorry!
So you’ve got a new boy…
Phil: Yeah, he’s a sexy boy!
What’s the story?
Phil: Dan started it by getting in contact with Danny.
Finchy: And the first gig he saw us play was out worst ever.
Phil: We all hit it off though!
Finchy: I actually felt like killing myself, it was really bad!
Phil: So yeah, we just took it from there. We’ve got a good song writing connection, I reckon me and Danny have the same connection as ET and Elliot. We’re working on new songs and stuff and we’re all putting new ideas in.
Dan: We wanted to put synth in our tracks and as Danny was a drummer it made sense for him to take over drums from me.
Phil: It’s sexy! Exciting shit! Olly and Danny have similar influences.
Finchy: I’m an indie fag.
Dan: I’m in to like Justin Timberlake.
Phil: [interrupting] Disney!
Finchy: And Spadey is in to Metallica and shit.
Phil: I’m in to my Blink  and shit.
Finchy: Crap pop punk.
Phil: I’d just like to say I get picked on all the time.
So there’s a bit of an age gap between you guys and Danny, do he look after you?
Phil: We look after him!
Olly: Finchy’s the baby.
Aidey: I’m 20.
Dan: You’re 20? When was your birthday?
Are you the daddy, Danny?
Danny: The daddy!
Phil: Me and Danny are the oldest but the most immature.
Olly: Spadey is the most mature.
So you’re not a good influence on them all?
Danny: Musically maybe, I do take it seriously but they’re fucking more mature than I am!
We liked to picture you taking care of them.
Finchy: He’s not like 27, he’s 19.
Danny: I can’t get served for alcohol and cigs and stuff so I’ve had to grow a beard, it’s horrible, I’m sick of it. Do I look 17 for Christ’s sake?
Finchy: To be fair you don’t really look after us, it’s always like “Where’s Danny?”.
You’re scattered around a bit…
Phil: Olly’s just come back from London, he did a bit of an Oliver Twist and went to find fame and fortune in London.
Dan: He came back with no fame and no fortune.
Phil: Me and Danny probably live the furthest away, we make it work though.
Dan: We’re spread out between Manchester, Birmingham, Chester, Telford.
Phil: We’ve got some good gigs coming up in 2009, it’s gonna be the year of Hill Valley High. We’re all like brothers.
Finchy: I didn’t think Danny liked me at first, I don’t know why.
Tell us a bit about each other.
Finchy: Spadey is the more intelligent one.
Dan: He’s the smallest.
Phil: He likes to watch men pooping in other men’s mouths.
Dan: He’s always got these random facts that he tells us. We were going to Blackpool for a gig and we were like ‘It’s gonna get dark soon’ and he was like ‘Well actually no the sun sets at 17 minutes past 7, I checked it’.
Finchy: Fuck Wikipedia!
Phil: Fuck AQA. And he’s definitely the most organised.
Finchy: He took out his sandwiches at practice and it was Wednesday and it actually said Wednesday on them.
Phil: He wears t-shirts with like hot dogs holding hands with sausages – say the magical parcel line.
Aidey: I don’t really want to…
Aidey: [high pitched voice] It’s a magical adventure every day!
Phil: Aww, you sexy little cucumber!
Aidey: They once actually strangled me until I said that.
Finchy: Olly is just Olly, there is not another Olly in the world.
Olly: That’s how you’d describe me?
Finchy: He’s just stupid.
Olly: I love you too!
Finchy: He’s got his intellectual side but it’s about stuff that doesn’t really matter like hurricanes and stars and stuff.
Phil: I remember when he said ‘Do you know every time someone takes a picture of themselves the Maori say they loose a percentage of their soul.’
Olly: It’s true!
Danny: Phil is just Phil!
Dan: With a massive penis that’s probably bigger than him.
Finchy: He has two moles on it. He always personalising it.
If you had to kiss one of the others, who would it be?
Finchy: Olly definitely.
Phil: I kissed Olly last night accidentally.
Olly: You tried to eat my face.
Finchy: Me and Olly always end up giving each other a kiss when were drunk.
Olly: I know, why do we do that?
Finchy: One day we’re just going to wake up naked with each other.
Phil: I’d kiss Spadey ’cause he’s organised.
Aidey: I’ll sort out the wedding straight away.
Phil: If we did get married I wouldn’t have to deal with anything he’d be like ‘OK on Wednesday the cake is arriving and on Thursday the ice swans so they don’t melt for Saturday’s [struggles to find the right word] function.
You’ve been recording…
Finchy: For bloody ages with so many different people.
Finchy: Fuck off.
Phil: We were recording with a really cool guy in London but we weren’t feeling his production.
Finchy: It wasn’t ‘we’, ’cause I liked it.
Phil: He hadn’t really done his research on the genre. But yeah we’ve almost finished our EP, and then it’s out for people to enjoy it and dance to it and you can make love to it and it includes a limited edition photo of Olly’s penis. So were all very excited about it.
Olly: They can’t concentrate now!
There is actually a nob joke in every reply you guys give [you should see the stuff we can’t publish!]
Finchy: It does play a big part in it all, last night at practise I had mine out.
Phil: I had mine on Dan’s neck last night.
Dan: Seriously we were on msn talking to people and I felt something on my neck…
Phil: [interrupting] My penis is called Johnson.
You’ve named it?
Do all boys do that?
Dan: Mine doesn’t have a name.
Phil: Yours is an orphan! Everyone should have a name for their penis, and all boobs should have names! Pinky and Perky. Starsky and Hutch.
Can you name boobs after boys?
Phil: Yeah if they’ve got the right build.
Yeah but you wouldn’t give your dick a woman’s name like Joanne would you?
Phil: That’s a really good name for a penis.
Dan you can have that one.
Dan: ‘Cause mine’s the orphan.
Phil: ‘I need a parent, I need a house!’
Finch: ‘I need a hole to live in.’
Phil: I can make my willy squeak you know.
[Finchy explains to us how Phil makes his willy squeak]
Phil: It makes bubbles in the bath!
So what’s next for you guys?
Phil: We’ve got quite a few shows booked for 2009! We’re playing with The Return who are awesome and a band called Hit And Run, that’s going to be a really good show. We might be supporting Reemer in March, in Manchester. we just wanna gig it up and get some management!
Do you not fancy going on The X-Factor?
[an echo of ‘no no no’ fills the room]
Phil: Fuck that. We’re getting there, we’re averaging at about 300 plays a day, it’s great and we’ve got a lot of fans in Brazil, we love Brazil.
You wouldn’t go on just to get your name out there?
Finchy: No it’s the losers way.
Danny: It is a good media tool.
Dan: Phil, did Pop Idol didn’t you?
[Everyone else is shocked]
Phil: Yeah when I was 16, I don’t like to talk about it.
The one with Will Young?
Olly: He was much better than you.
[At this point there is chaos in the room as everyone talks about how fantastic Darius is – for ages]
Dan: And he’s Persian, how better can you get?
Finchy: Not as good as your English, mate.
Phil: You ask Dan where his grammar is and he says ‘she’s at home’.
Are you fans of reality TV?
Phil: I liked I’m A Celebrity ’cause Nicola [McLean] had amazing boobs.
Dan: I liked I’m A Celeb.
Danny: I liked it when Matt Willis was on it!
Finchy: X-Factor was good cause Diana was on it and I’m in love with her?
What about Eoghan Quigg?
[Everyone in the room starts saying ‘E-og-han’ over and over again]
Phil: What’s that about, his name is Owen but he uses like 10 letters to spell it?
Aidey: It’s been 33 minutes and 45 seconds.
Phil: That’s Spadey’s fact. [burps] that’s my fact.
[Aidey leans over and sees the questions]
Aidey: What’s on here? Oh I can see the questions!
Aidey: Danny is looking at them!
I’ve had enough of your peeping, Hall!
Danny: No no, I’m not!
This is like your third attempt!
Danny: I cant read! I’m a drummer, I’m not that clever.
Phil: I can’t read or write, I don’t know how I got in to university.
Finchy: ‘Cause you’re doing popular music, what kind of course is that?
[Me and Olly put Vaseline on our lips – in sync]
Dan: Look at Frankie, getting out the Vaseline!
Olly has his out as well!
Olly: Well I saw yours!
Finchy: That’s shit, you need this [Finchy gets out a strawberry Chapstick]
I haven’t seen one of them since I was about six!
Finchy: It’s amazing, you can taste it, here smell it!
That’s so cute!
Phil: You’re such a fag! I just use Dan’s penis!
Finchy: When I’m playing rugby five times a week and it’s cold I need to use it.
Phil: Have you got one for your balls?
[The boys burst into gym related conversation that we don’t quite understand]
Finchy: [to Danny] I could probably bench press you!
Danny: Oh go on!
Finchy: Maybe later.
Phil: See that time we didn’t mention cock.
Olly: You said you used Dan’s lipstick!
Finchy: Penis is a big part of our lives.
Party season is coming up! What’s the maddest thing you’ve done at a party?
Phil: I had sex in a church yard!
Finchy: What the fuck? At a party?
Was it a Wake?
Phil: A what? No it was just the closest place to do it!
Finchy: I’ve downed piss many a time.
Finchy: Yeah and other peoples! If you’re with the rugby lads the parties you go to, it’s just standard. If you’re not downing piss you’re naked. My brother had to eat half a lard brick. Never drink the dark yellow piss, the clear stuff doesn’t taste like anything.
Dan: I’ve never done anything weird at a party, we usually go down to Southend to see good old Nicolas Bourne and go to Mayhem, once the guys left me on my own and I fell asleep on the toilet.
[The interview goes slightly off topic and Phil decides to text AQA (Any Question Answered) to see if you can milk a beaver]
Phil: [texting] Can you milk a beaver?
So have you guys been naughty or nice this year?
Phil: I’m always a naughty boy in the bedroom! Ask Danny!
Danny: I’ve been a bad boy!
Finchy: I’ve actually been good this year, I’ve got two jobs, I’m actually doing my college work and everything.
Phil: I work really hard.
Finchy: Doing popular music.
What is your favourite Christmas song?
[all getting excited]
Olly: [singing] It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas…
[everyone joins in]
Finchy: The best Christmas song ever is that erm…
[various Christmas songs are suggested before…]
Danny: Fairytale In New York.
Phil: [sings] You’re a slut you’re an asshole, you suck cock you bitch.
We don’t remember those lyrics.
Phil: The snowman!
[all of HvH sing ‘We’re walking in the air’ in beautiful high pitched voices]
Scrap the EP, you’ve got and do ‘Hill Valley High does Christmas’.
Finchy: That will be another two years in the studio.
At this point in the interview we have a break while Danny makes the tea. Finch tells us about the time he went to a fancy dress party as a tampon, he’s so proud it’s his mobile wallpaper and we have to say, while slightly disgusted because he was a used one, we were impressed at the level of creativity that he put in. Phil tells us about the summer when he had to shave his granddads back.
Danny we heard you have a stalker?
Danny: Yeah, I’ve got like seven!
Do you no find it a bit scary?
Danny: Yeah, they would sit outside my house and give me pink wafers. I actually got sick of pink wafers after a while.
You say that like it’s the worst thing about having a stalker.
Danny: I mean it’s cool ’cause these people will buy the records but there’s a step. And I hope they fall off it. [laughs]
[Phil gets a text]
Phil: Hey, check out the reply from AQA: ‘No you cannot milk a beaver. There are two species of beaver, one is native to Europe and one is native to North America. Their home is called a lodge.’
Who would play you in a film?
Danny: Johnny Depp, because he’s weird.
Dan: Jimmy Carr for me, or Ricky Gervais.
Phil: Stephen Hawking would play me. No, the guy who plays JD on Scrubs.
Finchy: Someone once said I was like Stiffler [American Pie] but I don’t think so.
Dan: [Answering for Finchy] Tom from McFly!
We kind of see it, maybe it’s the hair?
Dan: It’s the chin.
Phil: The guy who would play Spadey would be the guy who played R2-D2.
Apart from each other, have you got any weird crushes?
Phil: Lee Evans, I’d grab him by the ears.
Finchy: Carol Vorderman.
Danny: Jessica rabbit! I’d smash it!
What would your spice names be?
Phil: Pierced and Tattooed Spice.
Aidey: Little Spice.
Finchy: Something to do with my biceps.
Phil: Gun Spice!
Finchy: Tank Spice.
Phil: Danny would be… Let’s Get Laid Spice! Right Now Spice! Giggity Spice!
Danny: Yeah, Giggity Spice!
Would you rather be able to see through peoples clothes or rad their minds?
Phil: [getting excited] Through the clothes, through the clothes.
Finchy: I’d read peoples minds.
Danny: Then you could get them to take their clothes off.
Finchy: Have you seen What Women Want with Mel Gibson? It’s like that. If I had those powers man…
Who is the most famous person you’ve met?
Finchy: Danny Hall!
Dan: I met the Queen when I was 14, I sang for her. The people that were with her were like ‘Don’t be bothered if she doesn’t clap, because she doesn’t clap for anyone’ and then at the end of the song she clapped.
Finchy: I wouldn’t like to meet the Queen…
Danny: Rod Stewart… [Danny leaves the room but keeps on talking as he does]
Finchy: I’ve met Ryan Giggs!
Phil: Ashley from Coronation Street, I was in a club in Chester and I saw Becky Granger, but yeah I was in a club and Ashley was there and my mate went up to him and said ‘I say Ashley, I say’ and he was like ‘You’re not funny mate’.
Finchy: I met Calum Best at Pussy Cats and I got kicked out cause I was taking the piss.
Did he try it on?
Finchy: He must have. I met the guy off Embarrassing Bodies.
Did you show him anything?
Finchy: Oh yeah.
Aidey: It’s gotta be Winnie the Pooh.
Phil: Yeah look on our MySpace.
Was that recent?
Aidey: Yeah, summer.
Phil: I was in the Disney Store the other day and these two assistants were walking across and one said to the other ‘Watch your step there’s a big pooh behind you’.
What’s the most embarrassing thing to ever happen to you?
Danny: I was sick on the tube at like half seven in the evening, rush hour.
Phil: I was gonna tell you about a bad sexual episode but its not the best thing to say.
Olly: I shit myself on my 14th birthday! I woke up and I farted and a little bit came out! Happy Birthday Olly!
Finchy: I was proper ill like a year ago and I got up, naked, walking to the toilet needing a shit, and I just farted and it came out on the carpet. That was fucking hilarious apart from I had to clean it up.
Olly: When I was being sick in the toilet at uni I pissed myself, but I didn’t find out until morning.